Saturday, June 23, 2012

When breakthrough doesn't come

I press my ear to the coarse wood and listen. I run my fingers down the streaked, blue paint and wait. Only a doorway stands between yesterday and tomorrow. 
There's an invitation to come in. 
To turn the knob and move.
Faith in a 'good' tomorrow with a good God.

But, comfort and hate dance in unison on this side of the door. It's the writhing, sickness that has plagued for a decade. It's every day that my mind says that life will never be pretty again. That it's always going to be sticky.

Sticky, like a fresh-coat of partially dried, blue paint. 

I want God to open the door. To physically come down, scoop up my hurting body, and walk me through to safety. To plant me on His side of the door, where sickness doesn't live and tears don't stain faces. To tell me that I won't hurt anymore.

There is movement on the other side of the door.

People moving with ease through this life.

How do you forget pain that is so tangible? So in your face every day? The type of pain that strangles and chokes out life?

You don't. 
You can't.
"You can't fully live today, with a foot in yesterday, and a fear of tomorrow."

You run your fingers down the streaked, blue paint and you wait. You wait for Christ to come and dry the streaks from your cheeks.

On this side of the door, miracles still happen.
On this side of the door, perseverance blossoms into peace in the strangest ways.
On this side of the door, Jesus comes down, scoops up our hurting bodies, and walks with us through the fire.

"But now, this is what the LORD says-- he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." 
Isaiah 43:1&2


lastingtransitions said...

"You can't fully live today, with a foot in yesterday, and a fear of tomorrow."

Great quote! Who said this? Great quote!

Jessie K. said...

I did. So, thanks for that! ha.

How is SK treating you? Fluent yet?

lastingtransitions said...

Nice! Great personal quote! SK is treating me just fine. Work is tough sometimes, but that's about it. I do miss speaking Spanish on a regular basis, but I've been meeting more Korean friends that speak it fluently. As for Korean, I haven't really studied it much. Honestly, just not too interested in making the necessary daily sacrifices in learning it. I do too many other things that I'm not up to sacrifice just yet. Besides, it's hard enough to keep up with my Spanish & Portuguese. Keep up the bloggin!

bluecottonmemory said...

It is so tough wanting to experience that breakthrough NOW - but sometimes those breakthroughs are a journey - thankfully, there are days He carries us and days He stands with us!You describe the struggle in the challenge perfectly!

lastingtransitions said...

Hope your doing well out in Texas these days. I haven't seen a new blog in awhile and I hope you have not given up on writing, as you are very good at it. Stay strong and hope to read some of your new writings soon. God bless!