Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Disclaimer: Why I smelled at church on Sunday

I'm not so sure if this post should be A) public knowledge or B) tagged under 'Playroom' or 'Dirty Laundry' for it was surely some dirty laundry.

It all started Sunday morning with I know you'll be shocked a late start. Yet, despite my waking up 30 minutes late for church I managed to get out the door with make-up, hair straightened, and my favorite pair of black winter boots. Yes, it was cold in Texas for like a day. I was sans hubby and 1 triplet, but they were going to catch up with us at church. I can't remember why that happened either. So, I crawl into the car and notice that my car smells realllyyyy funky.

Moms know.

It's that combination between a hot dog and a dirty penny and no that's not Texas slang for anything. My car stunk. And it had not smelled the night before. There is evidence of life in my car at all times: jackets, old Sunday school papers, the occasional wrapper from Sonic, but I keep a pretty nice smelling car. And gratefully leather seats don't soak up spills whew!

I turn on the air and roll down the windows to make the smell go away.

At this point, I'm wondering if I'm crazy and maybe the smell was breakfast and in my head. I get out, check out the contents of the car and set my phone on the hood. I turn on the car and when I blast the air....the smell multiplied as fast as the dirty laundry does in my house. I put the car in reverse and slam on the brakes as I see a car pulling out behind me while I watch my cell phone fly across the hood.

And whose husband insisted that my phone doesn't need insurance. Oh yeah, that would be mine.

Baby A & C and I all start to gag.

Thankfully, no one throws up as Baby A has been known to trigger buckets of throw-up when she simply thinks about something gross. 

We arrive at church.

I stink.

I figure all I need is a little time. Time was my friend. However, time was not on my side as we were already 5 minutes late. To make matters worse, I was visiting a new sunday school class for the first time.

I head to the bathroom to let myself air out praying all the way that God would take away my smell!

 This smell had some serious staying power. 

I head to class. I arrive into a very intimate setting of ladies. Of all days... The only lady in the whole class I know comes to sit right next to me. Gosh. I didn't even know what to say, cause I knew I totally wreaked!

I lean in and whisper, "I'm sorry you're sitting next to me, I totally smell like food for some reason." And she just giggles while I'm sure she was quietly throwing up in her mouth.

Sunday school ends and I dodge as many people as I can to get to my seat. But, lo and behold my two new friends head over to give me a big hug (Sorry girls). I shake some hands and pray that no one sits next to me.

Enter in husband. 

I immediately go to explaining under my breath "I smell like a hot dog and a dirty penny and I cannot figure out why. Something is in my car or maybe a mouse died in my air conditioning vent or there is some penicillin growing on my floor board! I don't know but I stink so bad I cannot stand it myself!"

Husband holds nose and leans far away. 

Thanks, yeah thank you for YOUR UNDIVIDED LOVE AND SUPPORT! 

The service marched forward. I think I threw up in my mouth and knew everyone around me could smell me. There was just something about that smell. With time, it only grew worse, not better.

Once the service ended I told Robb to get the kids. I didn't want them to smell like me, even though I feared for their smell through sunday school too. I practically ran out of the sanctuary so that no one else would want to chat or hug although I am usually all about verbal and nonverbal communication alike.

As I pull out of the parking lot, Robb and the kids are heading to their car. And being the LOVING, SUPPORTIVE, MATURE person that he is, he has the children yell at the top of their lungs...


...as I bolted from the parking lot. Thanks guys - love you TOO!

When I get home, I began cleaning out the big blue beast. It wasn't so bad. And I still couldn't figure out why it smelled so bad. I set my keys in the seat and started lugging jackets, old Sunday school papers, and the occasional wrapper from Sonic to our big blue trash can. Why our neighborhood only allows one trash can, I am still not sure. Don't they know who we are? Anyhoo...

Then, I spot it.

A double-knotted Wal-Mart sack.

Now, if you are a mom and you have double-knotted a Wal-Mart sack, then we all know what that means. It means...dirty underwear. It means that the kind of incident that occurred happened at someone else's home who did NOT WANT THOSE THINGS IN THEIR WASHER. And in the name of thriftiness cause you throw away the REALLY bad ones already you get a Wal-Mart sack and you bag them up. You bring them home and you contaminate your own washer. Yes, I raise boys! From time to time, that little, double-knotted sack gets left...in....the...car.

And apparently, because I love to draw conclusions, if you leave a sack of streaked laundry in your car for 4 days ...it will smell the equivalent of a hot dog and a dirty penny. And so will you. Just a little word of warning.

To everyone that follows me on Facebook, somewhere before the discovery of doublet-knotted Wal-Mart sack with a surprise inside but very unlike a Happy Meal  is how my keys also found their way into the big, blue trash can.

Happy Tuesday Everyone! Happy Tuesday! And to whoever suggested it, you are so right, they need an APP FOR THAT!


The Brown's said...

I am laughing so hard! I too have had numerous double knotted wal-mart sacks that were left in the car. A dreadful walk to the washer every time! And as one of the friends that hugged you Sunday, I noticed no smell!

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh a lot :)
Love u,

Megan (your BF Megan who doesn't know how to follow these things so i have to assign in anonymously Megan) lol

Miss Janet @ HOME said...

THAT was a cute story!