Saturday, October 8, 2011

{X}pect God's Radical Provision: Your Finances

For some of us, just the word takes our minds immediately to a place of hopelessness, worry, and doubt. Robb and I spent a small fortune on infertility treatments. The doctors told us we had a very small chance of even having twins. Matter of fact, they thought we would be "lucky to get just one baby" even with their assistance. My ovaries had quit functioning after I took birth control for a year during our first year of marriage.

So, when we got pregnant with quads, I was overwhelmed with the thought of caring for that many babies. It just never added up. I had to go on bedrest, which meant my job was no more. I stashed about $5,000 into savings {which by my estimation would last us about 90 days after the kids were born}. Yet, the story I want to tell brings us forward 3 years. You can read more about God's provision in our early years in October's issue of The P31 Woman Magazine called, "Expect God's Radical Provision."

My kids were 3 1/2 and we lived in a perpetual state of "So, God, how's it going to work this month?" We were literally forced to depend on His provision each month (we still are).  I don't know about you, but I hate to be insecure. In all honestly...dependence bugs me. It goes against every fiber of my natural instincts and personality. I'm independent. I always have been. God has always provided for us in one of two ways:

1. Provision through the kindness of others.
2. Supernatural provision directly from him.

I went back to work when the triplets were 2 years old. I had to. My stash was gone and I had used our last cent of tax return money. My health was horrible and I couldn't go to work for anyone else. I knew that I would get fired for too many sick days, so I started my own business. The only thing I knew how to do was sell promotional products {a job I had done right after college for 2 years}, so Kirkland Apparel Company was born.

This particular month was slow. And this month I needed to... personally contribute about $800 just to scrape by. Usually, the number was closer to $1500, but I had gotten some breaks the previous month. It just wasn't going to happen that month. It was the end of the month and I was overwhelmed. Despite everything we had been given, we could not pay our bills without that money. I worried as I entered Wal-Mart to spend another small fortune on the basics.

As I got up to the register, I saw a young girl in her twenties possibly. She never looked at me, never spoke. And as clear as I've ever heard the Lord speak, I heard Him say "Prove to her that you are different."  I had know idea what He meant. After many minutes of struggling and wondering, I realized God wanted me to give this girl money--the one thing I didn't have to give. A million questions went through my mind as I wrestled with A)how embarrassed this act was going to make me as the line piled up behind us B)how the girl would react as I handed her money C)how crazy this felt when I needed to make money not give it away.

But, God wouldn't leave me alone. You can read the full story HERE and HERE.

Needless to say, I gave the girl the money. It made no sense. It was awkward. When I climbed in the car, I cried. I knew she might have needed it way more than I did. I cried because I was overwhelmed, because I hated being so dependent and having each month be so financially uncertain. But, once I got outside, a voicemail rang in from one of my biggest customers. He usually bought from me only once a year, but he was placing a random order. The order itself would cover everything I needed in bills for the month plus some extra. I cried some more. God always knew everything I needed. He was never late. My worst nightmare has never come true after 5 years. He keeps providing. Provision is no big deal for God. It was a big deal for me. After 5 years of this roller coaster, I see that, as He has provided, He has taught me dependence.

What are you believing God for today? Let's pray for provision together.

{Lord, you see our every need. You know that we need money to pay our bills, buy food, and other things necessary to survive. Lord, when the Israelites were wandering in the wilderness, you fed them with bread from Heaven. When Elijah needed food in the wilderness, you brought ravens to feed him. You are Jehovah-Jireh - the Lord our Provider. Thank you for meeting every need in our lives through Christ Jesus. Where we lack faith in Your provision, forgive us, and set us free from unbelief. In Jesus name Amen.}


Miss Janet @ HOME said...

Amen and AMENT! Awesome!

I am believing God for restoration of what the enemy has stolen from us
x 7. I have Scripture to back it up!
Proverbs 6:30-31

I am so glad to find a like minded Christian in blog land.

Woo hooo!!

Kingdom Blessings,