Saturday, October 15, 2011

When Your Marriage Falls Apart


I have many Christian girlfriends experiencing hardship within their marriages right now. Most of them are Christians. Some of their spouses are Christians too and some are not. It is devastating. Over the last year, countless women (strangers and friends) have reached out over the Internet and told me their story. In these cases, although I know there are men who are often abandoned as well, these ladies have stories that could reprint like carbon copies. It's as if you could swap out names for the leading lady in their very real drama, and the story would be the same.

"He's cheating."
"He's changed his mind."
"He doesn't want more kids now that he's seen how difficult raising one is."
"He promised to change, but he lied."
"He just walked out- no explanation."
"He doesn't want this- he's got an "addiction to women."

Now, we all know these problems run deep and this topic could stretch into a full book itself. But, where does that leave my sweet friends? Most of them have been forced into single motherhood because their husbands just don't want to honor their commitments.

It's hard being the listener in some of these situations. The "fairness queen" in me wants to hurl some biting insults at the offending spouse (although we know that would do nothing).  I have wanted to tell my friends "You can do so much better, let God bring you someone else- just go quickly." Yet, as I have done this study God has shown me that I don't have much belief in His ability to change the spouses heart. It's hard, cause haven't we been taught, "Once a cheater, always a cheater?"

Every relationship I talk about is in a different phase of destruction. Some ladies I really feel in my heart have been forced to move forward, and I believe God will honor their right choices. Others, are in the deep throws of negotiations and arguments within their marriage, and although the friend in me says "you can do better," the belief tucked away in my heart knows that God can change hearts. No matter how stubborn we can be, God can change people. It's who He is. Heart-changing is the business He is in.

It is difficult as a Christian to face divorce. Especially, if you feel that you have done everything right, and have been deeply wronged. I have only lived this feeling through my friends in regards to marriage. Although, I completely understand what it's like to be mistreated in relationships, when you are kind and you get stabbed in the back. It happens every day in friendships, families, and business relationships alike.  The sting of betrayal is a wound that runs deep, and I firmly believe that it is those wounds that only God can heal. I have been betrayed many times, and yet I have been freed emotionally and mentally from them over and over again. The Enemy wants you to think that you will never be free from your hurt, but God is mighty to save. He is more powerful than the situation that has been thrust upon you. I know many women whose marriages have been redeemed by the Lord, and I know many women that despite being abandoned have done awesome things in the Kingdom of God because they honored God with their commitments.

{"...For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on Thee."} 2 Chronicles 20:12

{Lord, meet these men and women who are hurting on the battlefield. They do not know what to do, but may their eyes be fixed on you. Lord, you are a God of redemption. The entire reason we will live with you in Heaven, is because of the redemptive story you set in place through your Son, Jesus. Redeem these marriages. Change the hearts of all parties involved; those who need to come to repentance and those must forgive unthinkable actions. Lord, make our marriages vessels of honor. Make our marriages new in Jesus' name. Amen}.

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