Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Finding your personal {X} factor

If you are like me, you won't have to look far to find your personal {X} factor. It's hard to forget what seems to have you chained mind, body, and spirit. In 2002, I got married. I was a newlywed with a wonderful husband, a new place to live, and everything should have been perfect. Yet, I found myself in a pit of despair. Depression became my new friend. The me I had once known, was lost and I didn't know why. My circumstances were actually everything I had ever wanted, but no matter how much I willed the depression to leave, it felt stuck to me. I was in torment emotionally, spiritually, and physically. After an entire year, I realized the birth control pills I had started taking right before my wedding were the culprit behind my depression. I chunked the pills in the trash and the fog lifted within 24 hours.Here are some of the statements that I spoke over my situation at the time:

I will never be who I was; I am going to be tortured forever.
I must have offended God, because it feels like He's abandoned me.
I'll never be normal again.
I used to be so happy; what happened to me?

My thoughts were normal for someone dealing with depression, but can you see the rotten foundation they were based on?


Every thought, statement, or belief I had that year was in some way linked to how I felt in that moment in time. Everything I had believed to be true about Jesus, whom I had known since I was six-years-old, quickly dissolved into unbelief because of how I felt.

And I felt broken. 

I knew spiritual warfare. I technically knew everything I should do, but I couldn't see light in my dark tunnel. Every day, I poured over my Bible and spoke truth over my situation, however, when the fog didn't lift immediately; I began to believe the feelings over the truth.

I believed that God's character was tied to how I felt, instead of who He actually was--mighty to save.

During that year, God showed me just how quickly we can move from right thinking to depravity. Yes, I had a chemical/physical imbalance hindering my ability to reason and think, but God allowed me to see just how fragile our minds are. He showed me some of the ways the Enemy manipulates His truth and turns His character and Word into lies within our minds.

{X} factors are often found in "if only" statements, "but God" sentences, or the "why God's" of  our lives. Simply put: They are all the reasons you tell yourself that you will never have God's best.

Because of {X}, I will never have a good marriage.
If only I had {X} amount of money, then we wouldn't have to live paycheck-to-paycheck.
I will be happy when {X} finally accepts me.
If God would not have allowed {X} to happen, then my life would be so different.

So, what variable or circumstance keeps you bound to unbelief today? Maybe it's feelings such as fear, loneliness, or anxiety. Maybe it's a personal tragedy that you cannot get past. Maybe it's people in your life; an unbelieving spouse, a child that has gone away from Christ, or someone that just doesn't like you. Maybe it's a physical problem; cancer, chronic-illness, or a struggle with your weight.

Maybe you see yourself in every example I named. Breathe. We serve a BIG God. 

Before you kick unbelief in the pants and send it on its' way, you need to be honest with God about your unbelief. We must confess it as sin, and hand it over to God for transformation. If you don't know exactly, ask God to reveal to you areas of unbelief in your thinking. It might feel stuck to you now, but "He whom the Son sets free, is free indeed!" John 8:36

{Lord, forgive me for my unbelief. Show me how to have true faith; believing in the unseen, despite my circumstances. Your word says that what I say flows from what is in my heart (Luke 6:45b). Change my heart. Where I have spoken death over my situation; forgive me. Transform my thinking today so that I will not be separated from You because of unbelief. Examine my heart, and if I don't recognize my own unbelief, gently show me, and lead me to repentence. You know what is in the darkness, because the light dwells with you (Daniel 2:22). In Jesus Name, set us free from unbelief today}.


JennAg02 said...

Jess, this really ministered to me. Thanks for posting.