Thursday, August 4, 2011

Whose side are you on?

She says to me, "Well I guess I deserve it, I knew he was like this when I married him" and my heart sinks. No, you didn't sign up to be the equivalent of a single mother while your husband does as he pleases. You didn't sign up to bear the burden of household duties, financial strains, and the difficult job of being "mom." You signed up for marriage because you loved a man that made you a promise. She deserves a Godly man that fulfills the vows He made to a holy God.

She says to me, "He told me that he doesn't want to be with me" and my fist clenches. And I just don't understand why. Cause she's a great mother, a Godly woman, with a heart of gold.  And he has no idea what he will miss if he chooses to go.

 She says to me, "My husband won't quit partying and he's hanging around bad influences" and I breathe in deep. Cause grown men raising teenagers can't raise them well if they themselves are acting like one. She is grasping at his love and he strays further with each swipe. And I just can't fathom the reason. Cause she has sacrificed her time and her body, she has determined to raise children like her mother taught her. She does it well, but he gives her no compliments just grief. 
 Christian marriages under attack. 

These emails, phone calls, Facebook messages keep pouring in to me. Strangers reach out, friends call with bad news, people hear that I will pray for them. And I feel weak. Weak to hold their burdens, but urgent to lift their hurt up to the only One who can truly change their situation. If this is you, I want you to know that God Himself will fight for you. 

At the conference I attended last week, Lisa Terkeurst was recounting the fall of Jericho found in Joshua 5:13-15. She said something that has answered a question that has burned inside of me whenever I'm in conflict with another Christian. See, I always want to know: "God, whose side are you on? Are you on mine because I haven't done anything wrong?  Or are you indifferent because they are your child too?"  This question has needed an answer. Here is what Joshua 5:13-15 says:
The Lord’s Commander Confronts Joshua

 13 When Joshua was near the town of Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with sword in hand. Joshua went up to him and demanded, “Are you friend or foe?”
 14 “Neither one,” he replied. “I am the commander of the Lord’s army.”
   At this, Joshua fell with his face to the ground in reverence. “I am at your command,” Joshua said. “What do you want your servant to do?”
 15 The commander of the Lord’s army replied, “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did as he was told.

And Lisa said, "When Joshua asked the commander of the Lord's army, "Are you friend or foe?" He asked the wrong question."  Sometimes when we can't get along with our Christian friends, or our Christian spouses, or family members that choose not to show us Christ's love...we often ask God whose side He's on. The angel answered Joshua and said he was on neither side because He was on God's side

That revelation brought chains off of me. And as Lisa said, "God simply wants to know one thing: Are you on his side? If you are a spouse tonight that is hurting because your loved one is indifferent, not listening, uncaring; stay on God's side and He will fight for you. Keep praying. Keep moving forward in God's will. Keep working out your salvation. Keep your eyes fixed on Him.

And maybe you are the spouse who is not listening, uncaring, and indifferent- I challenge you to answer one question. I challenge you to look in and answer the question that Joshua asked the Lord's commander: Whose side are you on? Are you friend (on God's side) or are you foe (allowing the enemy to use you in his scheme to destroy your family). The grass is never greener on the other side. Maybe fear is rooted in every fight you have with your spouse. Maybe pride is there or envy.  No matter what, your battle is not with flesh and blood. And just as God has a wonderful plan for your life and your marriage- Satan has a plan too. It's your choice. 



Carissa said...

Very well said. Thanks for posting.

Amy S. said...

This was me two years ago. My christian husband told me he had made a mistake. I chose to believe the truth of God and I prayed until he realized how wrong he was and it took years. We are still together and God is still working. He just told me a couple months ago I deserved to be cherished and loved and asked for forgiveness. God is great and the power of prayer to get me to through this extremely hard time is unfathomable. Stay strong girls, choose the true way. My character, faith, and relationship with God is much stronger because of it all.

sneuhofer said...

Thanks for this post and thank you for your willingness to pray. My husband is an unbeliever. I was raised in a Christian home and fell away from the Lord in my late teens through my early thirties. It was during this time in the darkness i met and married my husband. When I came back to Christ, my husband didn't share my same enthusiam. At that time he was traveling for a living, and we didn't have our son. I was able to build my relationship with Christ by going to church, spending time in the Word and going to my small group each week. There, I found genuine friendships for the first time in my life. I was excited to be back in the arms of my loving Father.

My husband comes from a very tough family. His father is a very angry, very bitter man - who yells and barks instead of speaking words of love and support. I believe he (my father-inlaw) loves his family but he is full of anger. Because of this, my husband is the same way. He barks and bites. I never really felt like he cared for me at all. He is not very affectionate and he is a bit controling. So much so that I have to "ask for permission" to do things.

Until just recently, I thought that I had married the wrong man. This past year was a tough one because there were SEVERAL times that I picked up the phone to call my attorney and say "draw up the papers!" Only to obediently put the phone down when I felt God's nudge "Put the phone down Sheri!"

It is true that "hurting people hurt people." i have been hurt and some of the selfish choices i have made have shocked me - I never thought I would have gone down a path or two I chose...

I have been plagued with guilt and shame. i have been to professionals to help me work through things - but each time I think I am getting somewhere my husband "strongly" suggests i not go anymore because "counseling is for the weak."

God is merciful and full of grace. My husband and i are communicating better - but he is like wa time bomb... you never know what is going to set him off... i litterally walk on egg shells around him.

Sorry to ramble... just got on a little "spilling spree." i can probably ramble for days about the pain i feel.

I have requested to join your group. Thanks for your prayers!

Small Kucing said...

Thank you for this reminder for Me too tend to ask friend or foe


Brandee said...

Marriages are under attack and this is a passion of my heart to see them saved. Satan is doing everything he can to destroy God's plan and His design. I have lived through the pain of a marriage almost destroyed. The pain of healing from my own past and knowing what it can do to a marriage. As the other comment said, "hurting people hurt people" and my husband and I came into our marriage two very broken people. BUT GOD...His saving power is beyond what we can even think or imagine and He has not only saved our marriage but saved both our souls for eternity. He is a miracle working God and when we fall on our faces at His feet He will hear, He will come and He will heal the land. He will rebuild what Satan has tried to destroy! He tried every thing possible to destroy us but we have been together 17 years, married 13 and love each other more today than we ever have. I can't imagine my life without him and I can say with 100% confidence he feels the exact same way.

Praying Big Prayers for Marriages. God is for our families!

Brandee. TN