I have to give it up. I scrawled it on paper and placed it on the altar. I wrote it big and bold across my paper at She Speaks this past weekend. I threw it on the altar. I threw away it's hold on my mind and my body. I have been in captivity to:
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I know you are wondering how a girl that is allergic to so much would need to give up what she already can't eat. Maybe this will help you understand why:
See, a battle has been raging within me for three years. Since the day I kissed gluten and all my favorite pasta's and pizza's goodbye, I've been fighting a war of entitlement. I wanted to throw every loaf of bread up against the wall on the bread aisle
but I didn't because I didn't want to be put behind bars :). But, from that day forward, the bars went up anyway. I became a captive to entitlement.
"Well, if I can't have pizza, then I will..."
...eat the entire box of gluten free m&m cookies - cause I can. And if I can't have a sandwich, then I will just eat the entire gluten free pizza that I was so blessed to find at Whole Foods
bless you Whole Foods- cause I can. And if I can't eat what everyone else is having, then I'll just eat twice as much - cause I can. And here I sit- 15 pounds heavier than what is healthy for my height, constantly beating myself up, and chronically ignoring the sweet whisper of God to just...
Let. It Go.
A few weeks ago, I was in beat yourself up mode because I had blown it-again. I began to pray and confess that I don't have what it takes to eat right. As plain as if God was next to me, this sentence was whispered into my mind:
"I want you to give up food, so I can give it back to you."
And I stopped cold. I'd been in a grudge match, white knuckles and all, over it from the very first day I was told that I either give up gluten or be sick for the rest of my life. I didn't want to be sick anymore. But, when God spoke that sentence to my heart the other day; I realized something profound. The first hour I gave up all my favorite foods, I set food up on a throne. I made food an idol. Isn't that twisted?That I could give something up and place it on a throne all at the same time? Sometimes, when we don't willingly give things up, they easily become idols. We want what we can't have. At that moment in time - I decided that I was owed those foods. I became an idolater.
I became devoted to food.
I am not owed those foods. I am not owed blessings. I am not owed breath or life. I am not owed happiness or freedom. And I am not owed a skinny dress size.
He wants to give us good things. He not only wants us to be healed of our diseases, but to have lasting peace, happiness, and freedom. He pours grace all over us. It washes away our sins, our obsessions, and continually points us back to Him. He's stronger than any addiction or entitlement alike. He is El - the strong one. The exact name my name was placed on at She Speaks. Oh, how I need to stand on His name! To count on Him to be exactly who He is...
Strong, Mighty, & Powerful
So, today, I ask you? What is God gently asking you to surrender? I know it's so hard, but God is teaching me that when I am obedient in surrendering what He has asked me to, He gives me more of Himself. When I have more of Him, I have more freedom, more healing, and more peace.
Who is the King of glory? The LORD, strong and mighty, the LORD, invincible in battle." Psalm 24:8