Friday, April 29, 2011

The chapter that just won't close

Forgive me while I work out the writer's block from my fingers.  This week hasn't gone the way I expected.  For that matter, neither have the last few years. No pretenses here. 
I have had a really bad two weeks.
I thought I would get married, have children, play football in the yard with them, enjoy them, enjoy life- but standing in between me and those dreams lies a monster called chronic illness.  Every time I feel like I am going to be able to slam this chapter shut - it remains open.  I want these chapters of my life to read differently, but right now they just aren't. 
I'm tired.
Tired of having to think so much.
Tired of smiling and saying "I'm just fine thank you."
Tired of missing field trips, school parties, and lunches with friends.
Tired of doctor's appointments and new theories and being the experiment that never turns out right.
I.
am.
tired.
And I don't even have a good ending for this blog post except to ask you to prayer for me.  
Could you remember me in your prayers tonight?  
I need a fresh word from the Lord. 
  

7 comments:

Fogo said...

done....you guys are always in our prayers...

lisasmith said...

praying for you daily and hope you're having a good one today.

Jessica Kirkland said...

thank you both. I appreciate it.

lastingtransitions said...

It is not my desire to leave a cliché statement, and so I will not do so. All I wish to say is that are dozens and dozens of people, more than you can possibly know, including God our savior, that yearn for you to continue the fight and hold on, not solely because they care about you, but because they love you, and love, especially God's love, triumphs over all. Hang in there, there's a harsh battle for all of us, and the best we can do is rely on God's love, grace, and understanding to help us see it through to the end. Truly love God with all your heart and fight on!

Jessica Kirkland said...

thanks Paul.

Sheryl said...

found you from lisa smith. i don't know what your chronic ill but i deal with one as well. it is sometimes so very difficult to be sidelined from "life" and yet know God is allowing it for a great purpose.

praying for you, jessica.

Jessica Kirkland said...

Thank you Sheryl. I have Endometriosis and a lot of complications from it that no one can figure out how to resolve. I did find a new doctor last week that seems to think he can help get to the bottom of things. Thank you for the prayer. I appreciate it and will keep you in my prayers as well.