Baby A says that God has been talking to her. She really wants a baby sister.
I wish I could give her 1.
This has been a month of thinking about the baby that wasn't. Most of you that visit my blog probably don't know that I was pregnant with quadruplets for the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy. At the first ultrasound, I was pregnant with triplets and a fluid sac. Then, on the second trip (to hear heartbeats), well, there were four babies instead of three. The "fluid sac" was a baby. But, I guess something was wrong because at 14 weeks, he/she was gone. And I haven't ever really let myself really feel that loss. I think it felt selfish to grieve for the baby that wasn't because I had three other babies still living inside of me.
It's grief delayed.
Maybe because baby A asks for something I can't give her.
Maybe because in watching my kids live, I can't help but wonder what Baby D would have been.
Was it a girl or a boy?
Would she/he have looked like baby A? Baby B? Baby C?
Would they be funny like C?
Caring like B?
Silly like A?
And since reading the book Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His trip to Heaven and back by Todd Burpo, my mind has been thinking heavily on my baby that wasn't.
You should read this book if you haven't.
It's truly faith affirming.
And if you've ever had a miscarriage...it will bring you renewed hope concerning your loss.
Then, there's Baby A...
She told me that God has been talking to her.
I said, "Well, what did He say?"
"That He's going to get me a baby sister from China."
Well, it's not the craziest thing in the world if you remember my post HERE.
Or that far fetched if you know that adopting from Asia has always been in my heart.
However, it would definitely be G-O-D to orchestrate such a gift (not that He isn't always in charge of such things).
The boys have offered their name choices:
Buzz picked: Sally
Woody (hoping for boy/girl twins) picked: Harry and Samantha
...doesn't care as long as she is the one that gets to take care of them.