Friday, May 7, 2010

Free. Sort of.
I took a trip today.  I was free. I bounded across the pasture, looking a bit like an escapee from the nearest hospital ward. But, I was free nonetheless.  There I was, green, borrowed dress (from a friend of short stature that fit me like a t-shirt instead), black shorts (of the drawstring sort I swiped from my dad's dresser drawer), plastic necklace (the type that holds post-op drains..eeew..I know), hair wild and out of sorts as usual, and Winter crocs (black and furry).  I busted out the front door in a sprint slow lumbering stroll.  I can only imagine what the passerby's were thinking.  It was not a long walk to my destination, but in my condition, it was a stretch.  I had not been outside in a week and although my first thought was "Freedom!!!!!" my second was "Man, who turned up the heat?!??!?!" My body had not felt anything above 68 degrees in a while.  Approximately half way through my stroll, I began to think about my little winged friend...the red wasp.  I was about to cross by the big oak tree at which I have seen the likes of them hanging out from time to time. Add to that the fresh summer-like heat, the conditions they like to fly, frolic, and taunt terrified  girls like me in. Top it off with the last encounter with my beady eyed friend still looming in my brain and you have one panicked, lumbering hospital escapee.  I began to think about what I would do if one flew near me.  I mean, I can't run. I can't even straighten my abdomen up much less defend myself against an assailant as fierce as the red wasp.  But, if you have ever been near me during a wasp, horsefly, or bumble bee air raid, you know that it is not in my DNA to be able to freeze. I flail. I run. I scream. I writhe my arms like a monkey. And it is all completely and innocently involuntary.  I do not possess the ability to remain calm in such circumstances and it does not matter what I am doing or who I am with. Thank goodness my wedding was indoors, I would not have been a proper bride. I had already considered the family of Water Moccasins that my dad slaughtered near the pond last week and was watching my step for those.  But, wasps are so unpredictable.  One minute you are safe and then WHAM! You're hammered with the excruciating force of a pin prick. Okay, the sting I suffered was not really that bad, but they're in my head man! And then I arrived. Winded yet unharmed on my sister's front porch.  Peace. Jubilation. And the sweet sounds of hot wheels on tile, cartoons, and the aroma of her new Scentsy pot (she's a rep now you know).  My kids were there waiting to see me.  The only thing left to do was the walk from the door to the chair. I made it just fine; thanks for asking. They were certainly worth the trip!