Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Red Folder

My trainer files my information in a red file.  Everytime he goes to pull out my file, he says "I don't know why I even start to dig, your the red one.  Red because your powerful."  

Hmmm....the red one?

It's funny how people's perception of you can often be so far from how you really view yourself.  People think I am red.  Me, the red one?  Sure, there were some areas in life that I felt confident in.  I was always good in athletics, a good student, and a loyal friend.  I can point to things in the past that paint a perfect picture of a red girl.  But, that is the past, right?  As an adult, I find myself regressing.  Regressing emotionally into more of a dull grey.  Does this make sense?  I have had a lot of success as a teenager and young adult.  Sometimes, it's easier to look back than to embrace what is ahead.  It has been a hard road for me from college to young mom of triplets.  Many health problems along the way that nearly cost me my life have left their stamp upon my mind and heart. It's not always rainbows and 'red files' despite what other people assume.  

Everytime I look at that red folder that holds my information, it actually reminds me of how un-red I really am.  The irony is that it reminds me just how much I need one particular "red" in my life; the blood of Jesus.  Because no matter how dull grey I feel, the blood of Jesus covers me.  It covers my sins, it heals me, and delivers me.  A relationship with Jesus specifically sets me free  from all the times I look in the mirror and see dull grey when all I want to see is the red girl.  It strengthens me on the days when all I see is failure, mistakes, and guilt.  When life disappoints and no one understands or takes the time to see past the perceived "red folder."  It's that red, that matters most.