Monday, April 13, 2009

Matters of the Heart

I made my mother come along for the ride. I wasn't going to be alone if this went badly. Sitting in the waiting room, several stories off the ground, I thumbed nervously through the poor selection of magazines. The magazines were scarce and so was my faith. As I glanced around the room, I saw gray hair. Yes, people of the grandparent persuasion adorned the waiting room. I didn't want to be in that place, at 24, waiting for a doctor, a stranger, to let me know if my heart was forever compromised. But, I was there. And although I had temporarily moved past the doctors worst case scenario speeches given to us in the hospital, that same heaviness pressed in around me as before.

The nurse came to the door and called my name. "One more hospital gown," I told myself. The technician began her clicking and recording. Listening to the swish of blood pumping through my heart. Recording it's function. All the while, I was watching, trying to remember what a sick heart had looked like on the screen from before. A pointless attempt. My mind screamed doom, while my heart longed for another miracle. Who was I to get another miracle from God? My entire life has been good. Even through tough times, I have seen God move. People search the world over, even those who don't believe in Christ, for signs from a "higher power" and I didn't need a sign. I knew the God that created the heavens, formed man from the dust of the Earth, and still sent His only Son to Earth to die for me. God had intervened in my life so many times, I figured I didn't deserve another "show of His power."

The room was dim and I was glad. I was doing my best to hold back the tears. And then, like all curious and inquisitive patients, I prodded the technician. "So... how did it look?" I asked in the most composed voice I could muster up. And like all curious and inquisitive patients that have ever asked a technician for an answer, I got none. Instead I got the answer that everyone in for a scary test gets: "Ma'am we're not allowed to tell you what we see. You'll have to wait for the doctor to read the results." Oh, I didn't realize. :)

The doctor came in and read my results. He asked me a long list of questions that only added to my anticipation and then non-chalantly replied "Well, looks like your heart is fine. Complications are not long-term, but were pregnancy induced. When you feel like it, you're welcome to go out and run a marathon!"

Although I didn't exactly sprint down the stairs, my heart did skip a few beats that day!