Monday, March 30, 2009

One Large Miscalculation

For the first time in 33 weeks, I was not pregnant and I was headed home. It was bittersweet because my babies were not coming with me. It felt wrong, but we had no choice in the matter. Physically, my body was better, but my mind was shot. My tank was on empty and we did not even have the babies in our care yet. How were we going to function? Robb and I did not know what the future held for our family and we struggled under the weight of the pressure we faced. One of the things that plagued our thinking in those early days, besides our babies welfare, was our finances.

Finances. Probably one of the biggest burdens we lugged around with us. Robb's grandparents had alleviated a great portion of this stress for us. The deal was that we could move home for the summer and move into their house until we knew if we were staying for good or going back to Huntsville. They would move out and into their "camp-house" and we would move in until we had a more permanent plan. I welcomed this offer with open arms. I am so grateful for their willingness to sacrifice their home. Who does that? Well, they do! And they did so, for us. Because we had sold our house, in record time, this offer would allow us to use our emergency fund sparingly. And we were going to need to pinch pennies in order to pay our bills! We had never been without two incomes - even when I went to school full-time I always brought home atleast an extra $500 dollars. Now, it was one teacher's salary and the addition of three babies.

Today, I can look back over the last three years and realize that I made one big miscalculation- the generosity of others. I cannot tell you how many times I would make my "list" of bills versus income produced. Each time, the amount we owed in bills was always about $1500 more than what we produced. That $1500 never even included things like Wal-mart trips, medicine, haircuts, etc... This fact scared me to death! How could that be fixed? How in the world were we ever going to bridge that gap on one income? As many times as I made my list, stressed over my list, and prayed over my list I can honestly say that the kindness of others was never factored into my equation. Generosity from friends, families, and even strangers have provided us with all of the following for the last three years:

Diapers that lasted us 1 full year.
Baby wipes that lasted us 1 full year.
Three years worth of lotions, shampoos, and healthcare items.
Thousands in money and giftcards.
Free babysitting and rocking.
Hours of donated time.
A car note paid.
8 months of no rent.
2 years of low rent.
Free meals.
Money for medical bills.
Money just because.
A loan we never had to pay back.
3 years of daily childcare - free to us.

I am sure my list could go on. If it wasn't for the generosity of others, I know we would be living under a bridge and I am not exaggerating. I am so grateful for those who have sacrificed and given to help us live. Throughout the last three years, I have often thought of other families that have no one. No one to help them out much less help them get ahead in life. My heart really goes out to those who have great financial burdens. I know what it is like to worry, to put pen to paper and have no idea how anything is going to turn out good. It is only because we have such a good support system, that we have never wanted for anything. I really feel for people who live daily wondering where their next meal will come from. I hurt for those people that have no family, no friends, and no means to change their situation.

God's provision...just another miracle. No amount of wishing sent our financial obligations away, but God provided. As impossible as it always seemed, He always came through. When you belong to Him, He fights for you. He has shown me that He cares about this area of my life as well. I love the scripture below, it has a special place in my heart. I hope it blesses you today.

"I have been young, and now I am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or his descendants begging bread. All day long he is gracious and lends; and his descendants are a blessing" Psalm 37: 25 & 26

Jessica

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

AMAZING!!! What a true blessing-I tell everyone all the time..I do not know how I make it, but somehow someway it ALWAYS works out. I'm trying to get a friend to understand if she'de just stop complaining for a second and have faith then she will too be blessed and God will provide her whatever she needs!

Jessica Kirkland said...

Thanks for the comment!