Thursday, March 26, 2009

Let's Face It: Getting Free

Sometimes we become bound. Oftentimes, we blame people and circumstances, when sometimes we are the ones to blame. I know this, because I have lived this offense. It's easy to blame others for discontentment. It's usually those close to us that can love us the hardest and yet their rejection often has the most poisonous sting. I am the first to admit that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some people see a strong person, but I know better. Sometimes I wallow in my unfulfilled expectations like a pig in his favorite mudhole. I bathe in my discontentment - smear it on my face, talk to the other pigs in the pigpen about it, eat some more slop, and wallow some more. Sometimes it is easier to wallow than to do the work to get free. The thing about wallowing is that day in and day out, the sun still comes up around you - and the mud quits being pleasant. It dries and gets cracked. Until, one day you look in the mirror and you don't see yourself - all you see is the mud. Below is an excerpt from Steven Scott's book, The Richest Man Who Ever Lived." In order to do it justice, I thought it would be best if I quoted instead of paraphrased. He says:

"In every relationship we have, we subconsciously build a list of expectations. We expect others to do positive things and to refrain from doing negative things. Whenever anyone fails to meet our expectations--or even worse, do something that is contrary to our expectations --frustration and hurt result. And the longer a person goes without meeting an expectation, the more we fear that that expectation will never be met. These unresolved hurts, frustrations, and fears go on to create the secondary emotion of anger."

Scott goes on to talk about releasing the expectations that we have for people. He talks about how our expectations cause us discontentment - but when we can just let people be themselves - our happiness can be restored. This really touched me. I find myself here alot - discontent with people, how I think they should act, how I think they should treat me, and how I should be included in their lives. And oftentimes, when they don't do what I think they should do - I get hurt. I guess the root is a fear of being unloved. Isn't that what we all want? We want love. We want people to prove it. And when they don't, sometimes we struggle under the weight of that rejection. Sometimes we inflict pain back, sometimes we distance ourselves, and sometimes (like I do often) we wallow. I don't want to be a wallower anymore. I want to be free. So, maybe, if I can just take a step back and let the people in my life be themselves, then they can be free to be who God made them to be and I can be free too.



Candie said...

Coming to this same realization has done worlds for my marriage. I appreciate this post.