Saturday, February 7, 2009

Rhythmic. Blinking. Alive.

I was alone that day. Robb had been with me the week before, but was unable to take off of work again. The 'congratulations but speech' we had been given the week before had led us to believe that we would be lucky to stay pregnant with one healthy child. Specifically Dr. Gill said, "Some women get pregnant with triplets and half way through the pregnancy, their body aborts all of them. In saying that, it will be a pure miracle if you come out with even one baby." In other words, don't get too attached to the idea of being parents. We had already gotten pretty attached.

But, that day when I returned - they were there. Rhythmic. Blinking. Alive. The doctor was right, there were no longer three; there were four. Strong. Healthy. Beating Hearts. I was a bit dumbfounded. God and I had talked again. I prayed and found peace about being pregnant with three. The peace I longed for at the baseball game that night, through prayer and a lot of phone time with my mom and sister, had come at last. Now, the room was spinning again. The fear was more like shock. I tried to tell myself "What's one more, when you are already having three?" But, one more seemed really impossible. And when I thought I would surely die before, I REALLY thought this was it. All I could think was, "I will die getting these babies here and I won't even get to know who they are or see what God will do in them." It was a bittersweet day for me.

When I called Robb after the appointment, our conversation went something like this:

Robb: "Well, did we lose any or do we still have three?"
Jess: "No there aren't three anymore"
Robb: {Disappointed }"Oh, are you even still pregnant?"
Jess: "Yes, I am. There aren't three anymore, there are four!"
Robb: "What? Hold on I can't hear you very good. Let me call you back."
Jess: {Ring Ring}. "Hello. I said there aren't three there are four."
Robb: "What?"
Jess: "There are four!!!!!"
Robb: "What?"
Jess: "FOUR BABIES!" "The fluid sack had a heart today, it's a baby."
Robb: "Hmmm..."
Jess: "Robb?"
Robb: Silence.
Jess: "Robb? Are you there?"
Robb: "Hmmm.."

Silence...

2 comments:

Candie said...

Hey there, you were the first person ever to leave a comment on my dad's blog. He was so excited! I enjoyed your entries. Just started blogging?
Candie

Jessica Kirkland said...

Yes, just started. Thanks for reading. Yeah, it's weird, but reading his blog kind of feels like "home." I guess that's the best way I know to describe it. But, I guess no shock, as we are both Christians.