Thursday, February 5, 2009

Pondering the Impossibles at Minutemaid

That night, concentrating on the game was a little difficult for me. The phrase, "I am going to die" was playing like a broken record over and over again in my head. See, God and I had chatted quite a bit about this day. I remember very vividly telling Him, "Lord I know the risks of fertility drugs and I don't care if I get pregnant with 8 children - no matter how scared I might be, You are simply going to have to help me!" But, that day, with the reality of carrying only three babies hovering over me, I was afraid. I could only think about all of the impossibles. Where had all that strength and resolve gone? It had apparently vanished.

I remember waiting by the restroom at Minutemaid pondering all of these impossibles when this guy walked past me and got in my face. He yelled, "Hey lady, cheer up it's the world series!" I smiled and then gave him "the look." You know the one. The look only a woman can give in her angriest Towanda moment. What I really wanted to do is grab him by the collar and scream, "YOU DIDN"T JUST FIND OUT YOU'RE AN INCUBATOR FOR NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREEEEEE HUMAN LIVES!" For a moment I was on the verge of a breakdown or an ugly fight with a strange man in his forties. Luckily, I spotted James Denton from Desperate Housewives and my rage shifted to paparazzi-like fascination. All in all, our lives were about to drastically change and I wasn't sure, even after being a Christian for almost twenty years, how all of this was going to work out. We were so happy to finally become parents and have those dreams fulfilled, but so scared at what the next year and beyond would be like.

The next week I went back to the doctor. It was an exciting day because I was going to actually see the heartbeats. There they were three perfect little heartbeats...oh wait..what?!?...and then there were four.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9


Frank and Sara said...

4! Thanks for writing this.